Friendship and Politics

There is a lot of discussion about friendship and politics as of late. When I was growing up, there was a common watchword not to discuss religion or politics at family gatherings. These, and some other topics, have always been points of conflict, so much so that no shortage of wars have been fought and millions of lives lost over them.

I’m not here to tell anyone how to decide who their friends are. That is a personal decision we all get to make in our lives and different principles work for different people. A lot of folks I have as friends on Facebook are asking anyone who voted for Trump to uninvite themselves. I’ve got no issue with that. Choosing your friends is a fundamental freedom and each person knows best what they desire from friendship.

As for myself, I don’t want that. I like arguing politics and religion. I want to both have friends that think whatever I say is very clever and friends who think what I say is just plain wrong. I get very excited to discuss weighty topics with people. I frankly don’t have a lot of friends or family voting Trump. There are a few, and they are generally good people, who for whatever reason have made a poor decision. So long as they don’t personally express the same kind of vile bigotry that Trump and his allies do, there’s hope that they come around in time.

But there is a catch. Just because I’m happy to have friends with different political views, doesn’t mean I will keep silent about my opinion. Being my friend comes with the benefit/curse of me being honest with you about what I think. I will try to be kind in my disagreement. I will try to be respectful in my arguments. But I’m still going to share what I think when you say what you think. The more serious the subject, the more fierce my opposition.

At that point, it’s up to you to decide if you want me as a friend. I can’t make everyone happy and ultimately, I have to be true to myself. I’m very tolerant of others being who they are, but I’m not the ideal pal for everyone. I’ll take no offense if you just don’t want to listen to me. People who I know and respect are welcome to ask me to “please shut up” if they tire of the discussion. Or, if you are clever, just don’t reply to what I have to say and I’ll get bored and move along. But know that if you constantly have things to say that I may take issue with, you will constantly hear replies from me if I’m paying attention.

Beyond my enjoyment of debate, I have a number of ethical leanings that lead me to engage and befriend people who are substantially different than myself.

1. I am forever curious how other people think and feel.
2. I abhor real violence and believe in the democratic process as a way to have political disputes and differences without mass-bloodshed.
3. I’ve always learned a great deal by arguing with people. It forces me to do research, think deeply, and listen.
4. I believe in redemption, personal growth, and communication as a means to find social harmony. Thus, I don’t give up on people easily if I find they are earnest about being good people.
5. Someone has to make the case, not only to the other side, but for my own side. I’m well suited for it and happy to do it.

All that said, I do block people and unfriend people on occasion. The most common reason is if a person posts other people’s content endlessly that I don’t enjoy. I want to hear about a person, not get a rehash of everything they like to see or consume. If someone is strident and vocal about their views but can’t handle any kind of push back, I let them go for their own good. If I think someone is straight up evil or obnoxious, I’ve got no time for them and will happily block them and just never communicate with them.