I am the 2%

Not the top 2% mind you, the bottom 2% and not income, but interest in the outdoors. I know this because in high school long ago I took a test. This test was to find for you prospective careers to match your interests and aptitudes. Most jobs on the list ranged from mid 30s to high 70s but in the realm of outdoor professions such as park ranger or landscaper I scored a massive 2%.

From then on, my family who were well familiar with my lack of enthusiasm for all things wilderness took to referring to me as Mr. 2%, and I was well happy for the title as it served as a potent reminder that no, I was not really interested in going on a camping trip, thanks very much.

But Why?

Honestly I don’t dislike mother nature or even dislike being outdoors. It is often very pretty and sparks the imagination. There are tons of things to look at and fool around with. I have to watch out for the sun, it burns my tender flesh but aside from that I’m a hearty sort and can deal with cold, heat, wind, and wet pretty well. I really like looking at rocks, plants and animals.

Inconvenience is one factor. I really dislike mosquitoes and other flying bugs. Where I grew up in Alaska mosquitoes are brutal during times of the year when you are want to go out and enjoy nature. They suck the fun right out of everything. Outside also has a distressingly low number of power outlets, flat places to put drinks, clean places to lie down, and sources of ready food, all things I am very fond of. The weather, as fun as it can be tends to much limit exactly what you can do at any given moment.

Another is that outside with other people I tend to want to do different things. My first instinct when in a beautiful sunny meadow is not to walk around on some trail but to lie down and take a nap. While climbing a mountain I want to smash rocks together and make dust. In a forest I want to make things out of the plants. Basically I want to act like a little kid which would tend to embarrass the hell out of anyone I’m with and doesn’t comport with the notions of conservation and respect for nature.

Lastly there is simply the matter of exertion. I’m a creature of comfort and I prefer to be at ease rather than huffing about. If I am to exert myself I enjoy breaking things and fighting the most, not the sort of thing much appreciated in the wilderness these days. Snow is actually one of the nice things I do like as no one much cares if you smash about the ice and snow and a little snow ball fighting is often appreciated. Similarly playing about in the ocean is something I can do outside in a way that no one would object to.

And yet I go out

Truth be known I can and do enjoy myself in the great outdoors. My wife and I go out for walks fairly often and I’ve been known to enjoy it. I have some fond camping memories and remember many lovely places I’ve been. I certainly don’t begrudge others their love of the great outdoors.

But ultimately I’m a creature of the cave and urban jungle. More at home in a labyrinth of walls than one of trees. I’d rather the company of men than beasts and I delight in modern comforts and technology. I’d as much enjoy reading of a far off enchanted forest as to be there in person.